The Look of Love Q1
Dear J & J: There are numerous women in the mall where I work that find me attractive. I believe this because of the signs they give me: playing with their hair while looking at me or breaking their neck to look and wave to say hello.
I accept these signs, let them marinate for a few days, and then take action without coming on too strong. I strike up a conversation and ask: "Hey, would you like to go out one night, or hang out?" Unfortunately, generally they refuse and give me the "I’m busy" thing. How do I interpret that? How do I overcome that objection? I feel as though unless I do the chasing, I'll get chased by someone who’s wrong for me.
JACK: First of all, realize that asking women out and getting an affirmative answer is a numbers game. Sure, plenty of women will look, and, sure, plenty of women will also say "no" when you ask them out. The key is to keep asking. After all, you look at plenty of women you’re not actually interested in, right? Once in a while your eyes land on something you do like.
JILL: Jack’s right: it is a numbers game. But why not increase your odds by allowing for more "marinating," as you say. For example, if you see a woman looking at you, then you let it marinate for a few days. When you finally do approach her, don’t ask her out right away. Re-assess her interest in you when you are up close and personal. Is her body language still flirting? If so, either ask her out right then OR excuse yourself. Tell her you’ll see around, and then ask her out the next time you see her eyeing you. This second opportunity to "marinate" may just cinch the deal for you.