Dear J & J: I’ve fallen head over heals for a friend of mine. I’ve made my feelings known (on more than one occasion) and she still says she wants to be "just friends." Basically, I fall into the roll of the "Faux Boyfriend" that you describe on the site. When we walk out of a party or go out with friends, there is no question as to who is taking her home. We talk on the phone or see each other nearly every day! I want more, but she says she’s interested in other people. Yet everything she shows me says that she sees something there, too.
She said she’s tried to see me that way, but can’t. How can she know if we’ve never tried?
We’re on summer break now, and she lives a ways from where I live. It’s all I can do not to jump into the car and beg at her doorstep!
We are best friends, and we were friends first. With what I know about her, I’m still there for her, even after the problems and the nos. What should I do? I want to stay her friend, but I don’t know if I can when I start having to hear about another guy. Is this the break she needs to see if she feels that way towards me? She told me that maybe it will happen later in our lives, like in 15 years or so, but I have to know now. HELP!
Confused in the Heartland
No Address Given
JILL: The best couples start off as best friends. In fact, maintaining a friendship as intense (and time-consuming) as yours is evidence of something attracting her to you. The question is, will she give it a chance to go further? Having read SharpDating’s information about "Faux Boyfriends," I think you already know the answer: she won’t decide until you make her decide. Go ahead and re-read The SharpDating Guide for Getting Past "Just Friends," and then make your decision.
JACK: If a summer apart (without phone calls or visits from you) isn’t enough to get her looking your way romantically, you may have to choose a less chummy social schedule next fall. Remember: be a "friend," not a "Faux Boyfriend" and the true potential of your friendship with her will have a better chance of emerging.