Getting Set Up
Submitted by SharpMan Editorial Team on Friday 8th October 2010- How to solicit blind dates without looking like a loser.
- How to follow-up with people who set you up.
- How to ensure you get more than one set-up out of the same person.
In SharpDating’s Where to Meet Women and Smooth Lines, SharpMan.com suggests scores of tactics for meeting and getting to know women. Despite this, the fact remains that you can meet just as many women through friends and acquaintances. The question is, how? Many times you meet someone through a friend and then that resource dries up. How do you keep the well flowing? Check out SharpDating’s latest primer:
Blind Dating 101: Getting Set Up
Meeting women is about harvesting all of the resources available to you. One resource most guys shy away from is letting friends, particularly female friends, know that they’re interested in broadening their horizons. Big mistake. Set-ups from friends, relatives and others open you up to meeting people you would have otherwise never seen, or who would never have otherwise given you the time of day. You just don’t know. Check out these SharpMan tips on soliciting blind dates and, perhaps more importantly, cultivating and keeping these introduction resources opened for future prospects:
Step One: Advertise. Let friends know you’d like to meet someone. Once you’ve told friends, tell second-tier acquaintances. Don’t underestimate the matchmaking tendencies of women you don’t know very well. How to advertise? Tactfully: Don’t act like a basket case ("I’d like to meet someone nice who I can share my life with (forlorn sigh)." Dear God, you’re not a beaten puppy!). Instead, let people know you work and play hard and would like to meet new people. When you approach someone who could set you up (a "Contact"), present yourself as an interesting person to go out with. Be social and recount a fun activity you engaged in recently. Then say, "Hey, you know any nice women?" Don’t talk about looks too much. If the Contact asks about your preferences, don’t specify hair and eye color — just the basics. Be subtle about how you express preferences regarding weight — particularly to female Contacts. For example, if you want Ally McBeal and say so, you stand to instantly offend the woman whom you’re enlisting on your behalf.
Step Two: Follow Up. If the Contact says she has someone for you (a "Prospect") or that she’ll think about it, thank her sincerely, but lightheartedly. If she doesn’t follow-up on this after one week, jokingly remind her of your interest and of her offer ("Hey, how’s my DreamGirl doing?").
If, having followed up after one week, you still hear nothing for another two weeks (these should be two weeks when you don’t mention the set-up), mention DreamGirl one more time and then drop it.
If the Contact offers a name and a phone number right off, ask her to confirm with the Prospect. A heads-up regarding your upcoming call can save you some embarrassment. Alternatively, if the Contact will be seeing the Prospect in a social setting (a party, a regular book club meeting, etc.), offer to come along and meet her.
In fact, a heads-up call is always a good idea, even if the Contact took the full three weeks to get back to you. When you get a name and number, always confirm that the Prospect knows you’ll be calling.
Step Three: Making the Call. Before calling, ideally, you want to confirm that the heads-up call has taken place. Then wait two days. When you finally do call, be friendly and try to open with a little joke. Invite the Prospect out for a simple activity. Set a date and then get off the phone. For ideas, see last week’s Blind Dating 101.
Why so fast? It’s important to keep the Prospect guessing. Most people are as hesitant about blind dates as you are. The more time you spend on the phone, the more likely you are to make an innocent remark that could set off red flags on her end. Besides, mystery breeds romance. Of course, there are those who say that getting to know someone over the phone leads to more meaningful romance, but these kinds of situations are unusual and dependent on many things (levels of comfort with a set-up, levels of chattiness, whether she has time to gab on the phone, etc.). Many times someone will not want to have a long conversation with a stranger for reasons having nothing to do with the caller. Don’t open yourself up to rejection. Give her something to look forward to. Shut up and hang up.
Step Four: "Protectsia." This step is not related to the date at all. Instead, Step Four is one of several designed to make you look good with the person setting you up. Why? To make sure they set you up again, of course. Remember, dating is a numbers game; the more women you meet, the more likely you are to find one you like. Maintaining a good relationship with the Contact ensures that they keep ‘em coming.
So. If you have occasion to see the Contact, let her know that you’ve called the Prospect, that she sounded very nice, and that you have a pending date. Thank her. After all, people who set you up are doing you a favor. Many Contacts also feel that they have some sort of vested interest in the outcome. Express gratitude for her efforts on your behalf.
Step Five: The Date. See last week’s Blind Dating 101. Then see Telephone Savvy for the Day After. Do it now.
Step Six: Follow-Up Again. Call the Contact. Let her know how nice you thought her friend/acquaintance was, regardless of whether or not the Prospect turned out to be a complete psycho.
Thank the Contact and get off the phone before she asks you how it went.
What if she asks before you can sign off? Be tactful: If there was no chemistry whatsoever, say that you thought the Prospect was great, but that you weren’t sure there was chemistry for either of you, and that you both had a great time, anyway. Thank the Contact, again, and get off the phone.
On the other hand, if the date was great, say: "She’s great. I really enjoyed meeting her." Period. Don’t confide anything else. You’ll only mess things up with the Prospect even if the Contact claims they never speak.
Step Seven: The Post-Game Wrap-Up. If your relationship with the Prospect progresses, make periodic phone calls to the Contact. Let her know how great her introduction service is turning out to be. Consider taking the Contact and her ‘significant other’ out to dinner on a double date. Alternatively, try your hand at setting her up.
Finally, at the wedding, invite and toast the matchmaker. OK, never mind.
Of course, if the Prospect turns out to be everything you never wanted, make a point of orchestrating the SharpBlow-Off. Call the Prospect. Tell her how much you enjoyed her company. Be kind and straightforward. This will ensure that good, gentlemanly descriptions of you get back to the Contact. Under no circumstances should you blow her off by never calling again. You’ll jeopardize the relationship with the Contact. Finally, don’t use the line about getting back with your ex for the same, obvious reasons.
If you follow these steps for showing gratitude to all Contacts, you ensure that however the date went, you will preserve this Contact as a source of future referrals. Keep your options and all dating channels open. The fact that this one was a dog has no bearing on anyone else the Contact may know.
This article last updated on Friday 8th October 2010