How to Highly Successful Office Holiday Party Interaction
Submitted by SharpMan Editorial Team on Thursday 14th October 2010- Be in the know.
- To date or not to date?
- What to wear?
We’re barely over Thanksgiving… and it’s already time to address office holiday party etiquette. Who cares? Well, you if you manage to make a idiot of yourself in front of the person who may determine your year-end compensation — or whether you keep your job — in the weeks leading up to the new calendar year. Suddenly interested? We thought so. Check out SharpMan’s Simple Refresher on Office Party Interactions...
Pre-Party: Whom to Ask?
If you’re seeing someone exclusively or are engaged or married, this is a no-brainer. You have your perfect date. But, if you’re not, the question requires some consideration:
Conservative vs. Flashy: If you work in a pretty traditional workplace — (coats and ties, significant number of older folks, religious folks) — and, you often date women who are more flashy than your coworkers… you may want to ask someone else.
Education Level: If your colleagues are all highly educated and your preferred date is noticeably not, the invitation may be both an embarrassment to her and to your employer and colleagues. While you may find her delightful and she may even be totally brilliant, if you have not seen her outgun PhDs or whatever level is required in your workplace, you may be in for a rude awakening.
New Relationship: If you’ve just started a relationship, be careful. Invite her if she’s particularly gregarious or you can tell from prior dates that she can handle being at a party without talking to you for long periods of time. If she seems like she’s more likely to want to be next to you all night (or you don’t know), consider going stag. We suggest downplaying the get-together so that she isn’t hurt that you haven’t asked her. This is better than taking her to a party where she’s likely to know no one, and feel left out of all the inevitable inside jokes. On the other hand, if your new girlfriend has met a few colleagues already, then she’ll be fine at the party chatting with some of them…even if it takes you an hour to get her a drink.
Coworker: If you have been trying to get your courage up to ask out someone in your office - DON’T. If you’ve already asked out an officemate but no one at the office knows that you’re dating, even if it is going well, don’t ask out your colleague. Go stag, and see her there.
For The Other Situations:
- Dating several women, but neither stands out: ask out the most independent one to the party if you think you’ll have a good time with her and she can deal with the fact that she doesn’t know anyone. If she does know some office friends, she’s your choice.
- Trying to break up with a woman: do not take her to the party. In fact, break up with her before the holidays. Holidays are emotional times. So, by taking her to the party, she’ll think all is well. She’ll have false hopes about the potential of your relationship and will have all kinds of expectations that everything is going to be OK. Cut her loose; you’ll be doing her a favor.
What to Wear?
Most office holiday parties will have a dress code of business casual or more, with a touch of holiday — red handkerchief, burgundy vest, holiday scarf. It’s even possible that your office holiday party will be more formal — if so, this information will likely be provided on the invitation. Be sure to check and follow any guidelines. You want to stand out for your style — not for sloppy attention to your host’s preferences. If you do bring a date, make sure she knows the dress code at least a week in advance. It will ensure that you look good and that your date feels comfortable.
When to Arrive?
Arrival time depends on the type of party.
- Dinner: Within 15 minutes after the appointed hour. If you can, it’s best to be on time.
- Drinks before a dinner: 15-20 minutes after the appointed hour.
- Small in-office party: Within 30 minutes after appointed hour - earlier if on a week night.
- Large in-office party: Within 1 hour after the appointed hour - earlier if on a week night.
- Small off-premises party: Within 15 minutes after the appointed hour.
- Large off-premises party: Within 1-1 1/2 hours after the appointed hour - earlier if on a week night.
Also, you’ll want to pre-plan the time needed to collect your date and enjoy whatever preliminary festivity you may plan. Will you have a drink at her house before heading out? If so, plan accordingly. If you arrive too late, especially on the week night party, it will be over by the time you show. Your boss will notice, and your date will think you’re clueless.
Party Preliminaries & Introductions
Ok, so you’ve picked the perfect date… both of you look great… you’re on time. What next? Consider prepping your date for the party with some entertaining intel on who she might meet. Through in some holiday tunes to get the party rolling.
When you hit the door, assess the scene: is your boss there to greet you? Is it a big boisterous crowd? Is there a coat check and the guests are farther inside? If possible, let your date know who you’re approaching as you walk in.
While it’s best to get your date comfortable and into the crowd as soon as possible, all kinds of delays of game can arise. Almost as soon as you greet anyone, introduce your date. "Mike, Merry Christmas. This is Jody - she and I live next door to each other." Or, "Sally. Happy Hanukkah. This is Jennifer; she and I run together."
If your date already knows everyone, you can say, "Mike! You remember Jody?" It’s perfect form to reintroduce folks. Especially at a big party; brains get scrambled and the names of old friends sometimes escape the mind.
One note on introductions. There is an order to how they should be made. If you work with people who are traditional, they may be attuned to those rules. So here they are, in brief: present males to females, and within genders, you present the younger to the older.
- Introduce gentlemen to ladies;
- Introduce younger ladies to older ones (can be hard to tell, huh?);
- Introduce younger gentlemen to older ones;
- Introduce children to adults.
Some Other Basics Include:
- After an introduction, continue with a fact about each: "Susie and I went to Princeton together; Matt is an avid kayaker." Even better, if you can think of something they have in common; put it out there, but succinctly. Wrap it up in one sentence: "Susie, Matt also has a passion for the visual arts."
- When you’re introduced to someone new and you haven’t a clue what to say (your introducer didn’t give you any clues to the person), say, "How do you do?" Shake hands firmly, and smile.
- If there is a lull, try not to fill it frantically. If you can think of something to launch a conversation on, do. But, if not, it’s important not to act foolishly just for the sake of not having a lull in the conversation. You need an escape, can always excuse yourselves by making a pilgrimage to the bar.
Party Foibles
Most office party gaffes come from too much to drink - on your part or your date’s. Control your alcohol, no matter how free it is. It’s just not good form to be inebriated at the office party. It’s also a boring cliché. As for her…well, that’s why so much care needs to be taken in choosing the right companion.
If your date seems to be tying one on, you should continue to get her drinks for her, but just tip off the bartender to the problem. He’ll just waive the bottle around the glass! If you’re seated at a table, you can arrange for her not to be served as much or as often with just a few words to the waiter while you’re excused from the table.
Other than that, a few topics to avoid: the trinity of sex, religion, and politics. There are always exceptions, but assuming you don’t work as an OB-GYN, rabbi, priest or lobbyist, it is best to avoid participating in such discussions heavily even if others are. You might try to give a non-committal but witty one-liner and later circulate.
Other problems, much less severe, result from a failure - or inability - to circulate fully. You have to talk to your boss and ultimate host. You’ll need to meet and talk to his or her spouse. Make sure that your date does, too. Don’t forget to also thank them before leaving the party.
Other than bosses, make sure that you keep it moving; if it is the usual large-crowd dinner/dance. Mix up your evening with seated conversations while eating, with dancing, or if you don’t dance, circulating.
You’re allowed to dance with women other than your date if your date is dancing with someone else, too. If you’re married, don’t dance only with your wife. That too is bad form. Alternate with other friends who dance. If you and your date dance and your boss or boss’ spouse dances, ask them for one dance. The only caveat is to make sure that the number is not suddenly terribly gushy, like anything by Lionel Ritchie. So, ask after a line of music has started just to make sure.
If you find yourself stuck at a table too long, excuse yourself for the facilities or the bar. It’s totally fine; you need not be a wallflower in order to make others feel comfortable.
Some Don’ts
Don’t ever say anything ugly about a colleague or his or her guest at the party. It will seem petty and unprofessional. Remember it is a work party, not a fraternity party or gym.
Don’t get drunk or let your date drink too much. If it seems like you’re violating this rule, make your exit.
If your date is sick or there is some emergency, thank your hosts and go. It’s really not a big deal.
If your boss asks you a career-related question, don’t be embarrassed to answer or follow up at the party, but don’t turn it into an hour’s conversation unless that is what he intends. Ask him if you can discuss it more fully the next work day. Not everyone else at the party wants to know whether you feel ready to be a Veep or not, or whether you’d like to move into commercial litigation and why.
When to Leave
You’ll want to take your leave from a large party when about half of your level of colleague’s have also left. From a smaller party, it will be much more subtle. From a smallish dinner, you’ll likely leave at the same time, about _ hour - 1 hour after the coffee. But if you are singing carols, or playing cards or conversation is really going strongly, stay later. It is a holiday, and it is for lavishness and excess. Traditionally, it’s what we used to save up all year for. So, stay out late if that is what your hosts clearly intend.
No matter what the time of your departure, get in a thank you with the people for whom you work directly as well as the boss(es). Make sure to mention how much fun you had the next time you see your bosses at work.
By the way, if on your way out, you seem to have violated the too much to drink rule, a taxi is a small price to pay for you and your date.
Cheers and enjoy.
This article last updated on Monday 4th July 2011