Making Your Long-Distance Relationship Work
Submitted by SharpMan Editorial Team on Friday 8th October 2010- Communicate with your long-distance flame.
- Maintaining trust — even though she’s out of sight.
- Committing to the long haul.
There's no doubt that long-distance relationships are difficult. We've all heard the "it just won't work" warning. But with the recent increase in cyber-relationships, many people now find themselves in this tough situation. Our advice? Don't throw in the towel. Long-distance relationships can and do work. Follow these SharpDating tips to make your long-distance path smoother:
Step One: Communication is obviously key. We all know that communication is important in any relationship. In a long-distance relationship, maintaining communication takes on an even more essential role. It is all too easy to feel insecure when your partner is hundreds, maybe thousands, of miles away, so talking about how you miss her is crucial. Letting her know that you are lonely, bummed not to be with her, looking forward to seeing her, or enjoying your time together can all make your relationship stronger. After all, when going to the movies and visiting friends is not a daily option, the knowledge that you both share similar feelings is the cornerstone of a successful relationship.
How do you communicate when you are so far away? Make use of all your options:
- Telephone. The phone, of course, will be your best tool for actually talking. Arrange specific times to call — it helps shape your time into something special to look forward to.
- E-mail. E-mails are a great way to stay in touch, even when you’re at work. (However, be aware of your and her employer’s e-mail monitoring policies before you send love notes.) Sending short notes is fast and easy, with replies generally arriving in minutes.
- Instant Messaging ("IM"). Instant Messaging is available free from America Online at http://www.aim.com/, even if you’re not an AOL ISP member. IM provides an electronic "real-time" communication option and allows you to maintain ongoing online banter. SharpMan Tip: Be aware that IM eats time and can easily be spotted by anyone looking over your shoulder. Also, downloading the IM software may be blocked by your employer’s risk management department.
- Snail Mail. Less immediate, but more romantic, is the old-fashioned practice of sending love letters. Even if you make use of e-mail, IM and phone, pop a letter in the mail every week. Very few things are more romantic and appreciated than taking the effort to put your thoughts into writing and actually getting a stamp and mailing them. Chances are your SharpWoman will keep your writings for life!
SharpMan Tip: Every now and again as your budget permits, use a national florist to have flowers delivered to her office. Very few things make a woman feel as special, and the "ooh" and "aah" factor from coworkers will score you major points. No time to hunt around?
Step Two: Maintaining trust. When you are far away from each other, the last thing you need is to worry about is where she is, what she's doing and with whom. Distance easily breeds insecurity; if you don’t absolutely trust each other, you'll waste a lot of time and energy thinking about how simple it would be for her to cheat.
The answer?
Talk about your feelings on the matter at the onset of the long-distance portion of your relationship. Make a mutual decision as to your level of commitment to making your relationship work — for the long and short term. The level of commitment depends on each person’s individual needs and the couple’s circumstances.
For example, if you’re young and away at school, perhaps you’d like to see other people while apart. If you’re older and working in separate cities until one of you has a chance to transfer, perhaps 100% fidelity is the only way to determine sufficient loyalty. The key is mutuality — make the decision together and remember: what’s good for the goose should be good enough for the gander. It’s a mistake to think that one party dating around while the other stays at home will work.
The final factor? Make an agreement to maintain honesty; to the extent one of you changes your mind about the "plan," agree to talk about it and find a mutually beneficial solution. Once you establish these ground rules, make a point of holding up your end of the bargain, and force yourself to be confident that she is doing the same.
Step Three: Commit to making it work. It's easy to drift into a relationship with someone you can see twice or three times a week. Things just seem to float along without your making a conscious decision to stay in the relationship. Things are different in a long-distance flame. You and your SharpWoman will need to decide that you both want the relationship to succeed. In this love arena, half-hearted attempts are losers —you either want it to work or you don't. Remember, it’s difficult to lead a "single" life when your heart belongs to someone you may only see occasionally, so your resolve has got to be strong.
Luckily, this very attitude is the thing that will often help you through the hard times. If you find that you cannot make a commitment within the bounds of what is comfortable for the woman at the other end of the receiver, then a long-distance love affair may not be for you.
This article last updated on Sunday 17th October 2010