More on Why SharpWomen Like the Bad Boys
Submitted by SharpMan Editorial Team on Thursday 14th October 2010- Why would she pick a Bad Boy over you?
- What does he have that you don’t?
- Can you overcome her genetic tendencies?
So there you are…the perfect gentleman. Polite, attentive, sensitive, respectful.
And there he is…brash, downright rude, even. Cavalier. Thoughtless. Oh sure…give him charm. He’s all over charm…And all over her!
And who does she go for? Why him, of course. The bad boy. The guy who takes all he can get and offers little beyond bad treatment in return.
What is it about the so-called "bad boy" that makes a woman want him more than — say — you? In SharpDating’s The Appeal of the Bad Boy we provided one explanation, but SharpMen everywhere clamored for more. So we went to the Docs. Specifically, Doctors Terry Burnham and Jay Phelan, whose new book, Mean Genes — From Sex to Money to Food: Taming Our Primal Instincts, attempts to explain how and why our genetic make-up encourages us to behave in destructive ways (for more on Mean Genes, see SharpDating’s Your Cheating Heart And Other Things That Aren’t Your Fault). So what did the Docs have to say about why women prefer the bad boys?
"It’s Genetic"
Blame it on her genes. That’s right, one more thing to blame on those ever-present, ever-boiling genes.
According to Drs. Burnham and Phelan, our genes cajole us into taking risks by making danger exciting. "Risk triggers a biochemical reward system in which our brain produces dopamine, a chemical that makes us feel very good," they say.
Risk-takers are big in human history. The Docs describe the earliest cave dwellers to make their point. They remind us of two types of cave dwellers — those who cowered in their caves died there, and those who left their caves, took risks and won.
According to Doctors Burnham and Phelan, women who prefer to stay with a man who mistreats them may believe that by choosing "danger" they are actually securing superior genes for her unborn children — the genes of "winners."
Sure, he may not be as nice to her as the stay-at-home cave dweller, but there’s something about being with that bad boy that just makes her feel great (i.e., the dopamine!).
Huh?
Well, if you think about it, it’s not so different from the theory provided in The Appeal of the Bad Boy. After all, if confidence is strength, the guy who confidently serves his own self-interest (rather than being more thoughtful to her) may seem stronger. On the other hand, the guy who goes out of his way to bend to her every whim may be nice to hang around with, but fails to evidence the kind of va-va-va-voom a woman’s genes may associate with good survival instincts.
"But He’s Changed!"
Another component that drives women to the bad boy is the idea that he’ll come around.
According to the Docs, our genes go even further in making us risk takers by building into our nature an unwarranted optimism which "tricks us into overestimating our odds of winning in any situation."
So actually, your gal-of-choice may be genetically predisposed to believe that her cad-of-choice will eventually change and begin treating her well. Of course, the problem with that is that if he ever did change into a "nice guy," she’d probably leave him for another bad boy!
"It’s Not You, It’s Me!"
The question is, are you a loser or is the girl you want too much of a risk-taker to consider a stable guy like you? According to the Docs, you may have to take a blood sample to find out. Burnham and Phelan explain that the less monoamine oxidase an individual has in his or her system, the more likely that person is to crave excitement and take risks. So actually, she may be telling the truth — "it’s not you!"
Being The Bad Boy
But why should a female settle for less that what she wants? There are enough bad boys to go around and enough good guys to level the playing field, right?
According to animal studies, the female of the species is, in most situations, the historic master — or mistress — at getting what she wants from as many males of the species. Typically, a female will sit by passively while two strutting, ruttish males fight for her favors.
Sound familiar?
If necessary she will allow herself to be serviced by more than one male, based on what suits her needs.
So how can you make this information work for you?
Find out which role suits you best. Are you the reliable guy who makes a good husband and father, or are you the guy who offers excitement, danger, risks? Our suggestion? Be both. Find out what the heck the lady wants on any given night and be that guy.
And remember, tomorrow is another night.
This article last updated on Thursday 14th October 2010