She Notices Your Bathroom, Buddy

Submitted by SharpMan Editorial Team on Sunday 10th October 2010
In this article
  • Why SharpWomen care about the state of your bathroom.
  • What grosses them out (or should we say, "out the door — fer sure, fer sure").
  • How to make it better so they’re more likely to hang around.
She Notices Your Bathroom, Buddy

To those of us with estrogen, what guys spend so much time doing alone in the bathroom is shrouded in mystery. Women do their business and vamoose, but men will spend half an hour behind closed doors blissfully undertaking some secret, malodorous male ritual, the unknown purpose of which I assume involves either writing the sequel to War and Peace or pondering solutions to world hunger. In any event, your bathroom is definitely where you’re going to be spending some quality time in the future.

Furthermore, as a SharpMan you want a LovePad: a home that makes female guests feel comfortable, welcomed, and appreciated, leading to them think of you fondly and wish to return. The bathroom is an important part of this spider’s web, and unfortunately, one that is often sadly neglected or misused.

Allow me to illustrate:

A long time ago, in a land far, far away, I was invited to dine at the home of a handsome Cajun. He was a fabulous cook (which as you know from reading Hobbies that Drive Women Wild: Cooking is real plus), and eventually, after a few glasses of wine, nature called. Well, on my host’s bathroom counter next to his toothbrush, I encountered, believe it or not, a decapitated alligator head with a fierce grin. While I appreciated the cultural significance of his unusual decor, I must admit it also made me secretly wary of sitting my bare bottom on the toilet–who knows what toothy creature might suddenly reach up from the depths to consume my dainty nether regions? My date was definitely interesting, but to make a long story short — he never got very far with me. Coincidence?

Now, for those of you who are thinking, "Hey, I don’t have a decapitated alligator head in my bathroom, I’m home free!", hold on, cowboy. While it’s obvious that guillotined reptiles aren’t exactly LovePad material, there’s a little more to bathroom decor than simply preventing the female sex from running away shrieking.

That’s why this week we’re focusing on what you can do to make your bathroom SharpWoman-friendly, while simultaneously remaining true to your manly desire for a cool throne room. Yes, you can have the best of both worlds, oh mighty master of your toilet-tissue domain!

Basic Bathroom Accessories

You may have noticed that women consider the bathroom an ideal target for decorators. Sure the room was born of utility, but this fact does not get in the way of adding a few comforting touches. To make your visiting SharpWomen more likely to ignore the neglect that epitomizes your bathroom, consider the following female-friendly camouflage:

Matching 101. Even simple bathroom decor can be elegant and comfortable when done right. For example, it is très chic to match your towels, bath rug, shower curtain, and other accessories (i.e., all in one color or print). Sometimes you can find these things in matching sets, but normally they’re sold separately, and you’ll have to use your judgment to match them up yourself.

This isn’t as difficult as it might sound; simply try to pick items that are similar in color and quality. If you’ve chosen a print, try to stick to that same theme. Worried about being able to do it? Then pick a nice neutral like white or khaki that can be easily matched with other items.

Here’s an example of how to color-coordinate your bathroom accessories. Note how they are all similar in color and style:

Rubberized Linen Shower Curtain, $168

Basket Weave Bath Mat, $32

Enamelware Trash Bin, $32

OK, so that shower curtain is kind of pricey. Its high quality may make it worthwhile, but you can probably find shower curtains that are less expensive than this at your local bath and linen store, if that’s your thing.

SharpMan Tip: Don’t forget to buy a liner to go with your shower curtain to protect your curtain from mold and gunk.

One thing you should never skimp on is your collection of towels. This gets us into prime "women-feel-comfortable-coming-over" territory, so read on:

The Towel Equation. Luxurious towels are always admired by your guests, and will definitely make you look like a man of style. If it’s within your budget, go ahead and splurge on superior quality. The difference between these towels and your average, run-of-the-mill towels is so great that once you try them you’ll be spoiled and never want to go back. These towels by the White House Linen Shop (in London, not D.C.) will last for decades, and they come in charming, neutral colors that match most bathroom decor:

Here’s another great set of high quality towels. To keep things simple they’re also in neutral colors, but they have a stripe. Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean you now must find a shower curtain, rug, and so on with stripes; a solid, similar neutral color is fine. Just don’t get a shower curtain in polka dots to match striped towels. Capish?

Shower Curtain Roller Rings. No, not roller rinks, roller rings. (Sorry, roller disco fans.) Don’t top off a great shower curtain with cheesy plastic hooks; go all the way and try these elegant yet reasonably priced nickel-plated rollers. Your curtain will glide along much more smoothly, and will also look a lot spiffier. Trust me, women notice these kinds of details.

Bath Hooks. Let’s be clear about one thing: your date will not be impressed by the towels lying on the floor or by the robe hanging on the doorknob. Install some of these cool bath hooks instead. They’re based on antique designs, and will hold your towels and robes up in style. It’s really easy to remember to put your towels away when all you have to do is hang them on the hook next to the shower (giving the slob in you a break, and the SharpMan in you a chance with your date).

Keeping the smell of your bathroom, um…sweet. A nice-smelling bathroom is very pleasant and shows your guests that you care about cleanliness and hygiene. Try one of these primo fragrance candles, each designed to capture the flowering essence of springtime in Paris. Ooo la la! Quelle romantique.

What to Avoid

It’s probably not a good idea to get one of those matching discount bathroom rug sets that include a furry toilet seat cover. Where the idea for this useless article came from I’ll never know, but it’s neither suave nor debonair. Please avoid this.

Really Sharp Stuff

There’s nothing more fun than gadgets. The following bathroom toys will rock your world:

Shower CD Player and Radio

Now here’s a marvelous new item: the world’s first and only shower CD player! This technological wonder not only has a water-resistant CD compartment for your favorite tunes, it can also be tuned in to AM/FM radio or receive sounds from TV programs, for when you have to shower for your date but simply can’t miss the game. Bonus: you might even be able to convince your SharpWoman to sing a shower duet with you. And oh, that encore

Turbo Spa

Great for your sore, aching manly muscles and an aid to relaxation, the Turbo Spa is fantastic for the solo bather or as your new ploy for getting SharpWomen into your new, great-looking bathroom ("Hey, baby, wanna bathe in my HOT TUB?"). All right, it’s not a full-blown hot-tub, but it’s a solid excuse for a Jacuzzi-on-a-budget. It’s especially smooth to phrase your invitation in a way that makes it seem like it was all her idea; just mention that you have a bath spa to relieve your tired muscles after your workout, and she will be curious.

Gamma Glass Scale

This beautiful scale is truly a sculptural object. Designed and made from safety glass and tubular steel, it registers your weight through an off-center load. Pretty groovy, eh? It’s beyond suave, and perfect for any LovePad bathroom.

SharpMan Tip: if you want to live to see tomorrow, never comment on your SharpWoman’s weight.

Ionic Breeze Mini Air Purifier Night Light

If you don’t feel a candle is enough to truly freshen the air in your bathroom, give this nifty gadget a try. Instead of covering up odors, it purifies the air by destroying odors at their source. It’s also been specifically designed for small spaces like bathrooms, where smells tend to linger, and it traps airborne particles like lint and mold spores. The night light feature makes it perfect for bathrooms. LINK

General Bathroom Tips

Until you get to know that certain SharpWoman better, it’s a good idea to follow these common sense bathroom tips when she visits:

  • Dispose of nudie magazines and pictures of dogs playing poker
  • Clean sink, mirror, and tub
  • Clean toilet and put seat down
  • Take out trash
  • Clean and mop floors, removing dirt and grime
  • Make sure all light bulbs are working
  • Put toothbrushes and toothpaste in a cup holder, not tossed on the counter
  • Use something to make the bathroom smell good (i.e. scented candles, potpourri)
  • Put out clean, high quality towels
  • Put out new, nice-smelling soap
  • Have extra toilet paper on hand
  • Hide all potentially embarrassing items (i.e. condoms, hemorrhoid cream, those pink lacy panties you’ve secretly been wearing…just kidding!!! We’re only checking to make sure you’re actually reading all these crucial points. They’re very important, you know.)

Even after you’ve gotten to know her well, it’s still considerate to try to keep up on these things as much as you can; she’ll definitely appreciate it.

A SharpMan Tip on Cleaning: Remember, your bathroom must be well kept to be presentable to your female guests. You may pass by that grungy mildew spot every day and never think twice about it (even as it slowly doubles in size and starts to resemble the coastline of Madagascar), but when she sees it she’ll doubtlessly be grossed out. So if you don’t have the time or inclination to clean your bathroom thoroughly, consider bringing in a maid service once in a while. It’s a lot less expensive than you might think, especially if you only need them occasionally. For more information on getting your LovePad into SharpWoman-presentable shape, see SharpDating’s How to be a Host.

With such a cool bathroom in your LovePad, your SharpWoman may even stop wondering why you spend so much time in there.

This article last updated on Sunday 10th October 2010
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