Stealing SharpWomen
Submitted by SharpMan Editorial Team on Friday 8th October 2010- What to do when you want a woman who’s already taken.
- Deciding when and how to make your move.
- Tips for making her yours.
Sometimes, love just stinks.
Falling for someone who’s already taken sucks big time. You’re torn with love for her, not knowing if she’ll ever return your feelings. Yet you feel guilt over wanting to break up her relationship so you can have her for yourself. It’s truly agonizing. What to do?
Here at SharpMan.com, we understand your dilemma. We believe in extending good will to all of our fellow SharpMen. However, we grudgingly recognize the old adage that all’s fair in love and war. If you care for a woman who’s already in a relationship, and honestly feel she’s "the one" for you, then we say "go for it." Life’s too short to live without the one you love. It’ll be complicated; it’ll be messy; but you’ve got to give it a shot.
On the other hand, if your interest in stealing another guy’s gal is limited to satisfying your bulging…uh…ego, to simply prove that you can, or because she’s forbidden fruit, then none of the foregoing applies to you. Matters of the heart should not be messed with lightly. In other words, use your power for good, not evil. The only legitimate reason for trying to steal a SharpWoman from another guy is if you truly have feelings for her and plan to treat her well.
Having settled that, here are our SharpDating tips:
Step One: Signs She’s Ripe to Be Stolen
It’s damn near impossible to steal a woman who’s in a stable, happy relationship, unless she’s the type to go around cheating in the first place (and we’re assuming you’re not looking for that kind of mess). So, the trick is to make your move when her relationship isn’t going so well. Unfortunately, she’s not always going to make that obvious. Here are some signs that she’s ripe for being stolen:
- She seems distant or hesitant when asked questions about her significant other.
- Her boyfriend works a lot or isn’t around, leaving her alone frequently.
- She looks bored or sighs when she talks about her relationship.
- Her boyfriend visibly neglects her, puts his friends ahead of her, or flirts with other women.
- She and her significant other argue frequently.
- She complains about her relationship more than usual.
- She seems to lighten up when you’re around.
- You hear talk from others that her relationship is unhappy.
- She notices or comments on men other than her boyfriend.
If she tells you she’s unhappy in her relationship, and appears to flirt with you or seems otherwise interested in you, she might be sending you a signal that she wants you to steal her. Excellent.
Step Two: The Typical Scenario
Usually when a guy steals a SharpWoman from another guy, it’s in a "best friends" situation. The stealer is good friends with the guy, and thus gets to know the guy’s luscious girlfriend. He finds the girlfriend attractive and interesting, and enjoys her company. Eventually he wants the girlfriend for himself more than he wants the friendship with the guy. Not very nice, but SharpMen can’t always help the direction in which their romantic feelings run.
Because the stealer is friends with the soon-to-be-lonely boyfriend, he hears the boyfriend talk about arguments and disagreements that occur in the relationship. He’s then able to discern what’s making her unhappy, and how he can make himself look like a better boyfriend than the one she’s got. He does this by playing the middle ground when talking to her, telling her the things she wants to hear, and making his move when the relationship is at its weakest.
In situations where the stealer is a friend of the girlfriend and doesn’t know the boyfriend, the stealing becomes easier: the stealer doesn’t incur the cost of losing his buddy. It’s also easier for the stealer to act as a listening ear when the targeted SharpWomen spills the dirt on her beau, as there is very little conflict in agreeing with her vehemently.
Regardless of your situation, if you plan to steal, you’ve really got to think about whether — on a philosophical level — you want to steal another man’s girl. It’s a pretty nasty thing to do, unless you know he treats her badly or just know she’s your soul mate. If you choose to proceed, you must be prepared to face the old guy’s wrath and also be prepared to look like the bad guy in front of your new girl’s friends and family (of course, only until they all realize how much happier she is with you).
Step Three: Convincing Her She Wants You Instead
Become her new confidant. Your plan of theft begins in earnest when you take significant steps toward a more prominent role in the SharpWoman’s circle of friends. Your aim is to become her confidant, the guy who’s easy to hang out with, and thus the guy she turns to when things don’t go well with her beau (even healthy relationships have these moments).
At the SharpMan Team, we call this role the "Faux Boyfriend." Who is this guy? He’s the guy who fills in where the real boyfriend drops the ball. Real boyfriend too busy with work, school or his friends? Faux Boyfriend is there to talk, hang out and check out the latest chick-flick. Real Boyfriend has no interest in shopping for holiday gifts — again? Faux Boyfriend is right there — and besides, he was meaning to pick up another gift for his mom! Pretty soon, Faux Boyfriend is the one the targeted SharpWoman turns to when she seeks company and conversation. Suddenly, when something funny happens, it’s Faux Boyfriend’s cell phone that rings, not the real beau’s.
So why are we calling this role "faux" (French for "false")? Because Faux Boyfriend does all the work, but the real boyfriend gets all of the glory (the status of having her as his girl and all of the physical affection, remember?). Is this a bad thing? Sure, if the arrangement goes on indefinitely. On the other hand, becoming Faux Boyfriend can be a very useful transitional tool if you plan to steal the SharpWoman of your dreams.
How does the magic of the Faux Boyfriend work?
It’s simple. As noted above, when SharpWomen are ripe for the taking, generally their boyfriends have fallen down on the job: they’re unavailable, uninterested or fail to spend time with their SharpWomen. This leaves an emotional gap for the SharpWoman. Enter the Faux Boyfriend. He’s kind, considerate — and available. And as we mentioned, he’ll gradually start satisfying the emotional role that the real boyfriend used to fill. In fact, he’ll replace the real boyfriend in certain capacities (as daily hang-out partner and confidant). As a result, the SharpWoman will begin to rely on her Faux Boyfriend. And the more she grows to need him, the stronger his candidacy becomes.
Make her dwell on the problems in her current relationship. In your position as Faux Boyfriend, the target SharpWoman is likely to come to you for advice when she becomes frustrated with her guy. Don’t squander these opportunities. From a "guy’s perspective," play up her boyfriend’s role in the problems; after all, no one wants to admit that any part of a relationship problem could be their own fault, right? She’s likely to agree and believe that he’s just an idiot. This technique can be especially powerful when you’re friends with him, since she’ll think his behavior is so bad that even his own friends are taking her side.
Useful phrases:
- "I guess he just never learns. His last girlfriend Jane told me that he did that too — oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said that."
- "I can’t believe that! That breaks the ‘Guy Code!’"
- "That really sucks. He’s lucky to have you."
- "I’m sorry he’s being such a jerk. Not all guys are like that, you know."
- "Some guys just don’t appreciate how good they have it."
- "Unbelievable. A woman like you deserves so much better."
Demonstrate your superiority. Once you discover the nature of the targeted SharpWoman’s relationship problems — what really bugs her the most — you have the ammunition you need. Demonstrate in both word and deed that you won’t cause her the same grief. Is he undependable? Be the most reliable friend she has. Does he expect her to clean up after him? Show her that you’re a modern man who does his own dirty work. Does she need stuff done around her place? Offer to help with a project before she asks (remember how much women love handy guys?). You get the picture. Eventually, she’ll start comparing him to you in her mind, with you coming out on top. She’ll start considering you as a viable alternative.
Useful phrases:
- "Wow, I’d never treat a woman like that."
- "I can’t believe he wants you to do his laundry [or insert real relationship problem here]. Does he think you’re his mother instead of his girlfriend?"
- "He really should give you more respect/appreciate you more."
- "If I had a girlfriend like you, I’d treat her like a jewel and never [insert real relationship problem here]."
Make your move. With you fully entrenched in your Faux Boyfriend role, a SharpWoman who is already physically attracted to you is likely to begin considering you as a preferable alternative to her current boyfriend. This requires you to make your move before the boyfriend can rebound. The most effective time to do this is when the relationship is having a problem and she’s crying on your shoulder, when they’ve argued or broken up temporarily, or in a weak moment.
How can you tell that she’d like you to make a move? Absent her explicitly saying so, consider some of the classic nonverbal signals that women send out. Check out SharpDating Tips for Shy Guys.
Got those signals straight? Now for the move. If you sense she’s sad or simply weakening in the presence of your overwhelming manliness, consider a conciliatory hug that turns into a not-so-conciliatory kiss. Either she’ll go for it or she won’t. If not, simply back off and apologize, saying, "I don’t know what came over me. Please forgive me. We’re great friends."
IMPORTANT: If she does not respond and you must resort to the line above, leave her company immediately and refrain from calling her for a couple of days. Let her cool off and consider the situation on her own.
Will she call you? Without question. Why? Because you’re her Faux Boyfriend. She needs you. A couple of unusually silent days (during which time you can claim you "were confused") will give her time to appreciate how much she values your company. This time apart will also prevent her from turning against you for your "indiscretion."
On the other hand, if you fail to give her this cooling off period, the whole matter will probably blow up in your face: you "overstepped your boundaries," you "tried something." While she may think these things at first, a couple of days without her "best friend" will force her to reconsider her position and her casual relationship with you. Trust us: she’ll call.
The rest of the game is up to the SharpWoman. There’s no judging why some people are attracted to one person but not another. If you stand a chance, she’ll come calling for more of those "indiscretions." Otherwise, we suggest cutting bait; it’s likely that she simply does not see you in a romantic light.
A note to winners and losers, alike. Realize that, either way, your role as Faux Boyfriend has got to change. If you lose, hanging around as the "pretend boyfriend" is tantamount to romantic suicide. Why continue giving all your time to a women who has made it clear that she is not interested in you?
If you prevail and the lady becomes "yours," the nature of your relationship with her must become more mutual. Being Faux Boyfriend is all about making yourself constantly available to be her listening ear. In a functional romance, she’s got to be your listening ear, too — it can’t be all about her anymore. Once you become her guy, if you catch yourself (and your new SharpWoman) slipping back into the old roles of being her one-sided supporter, insist on mutuality.
Finally, make yourself credible. Don’t ever let the target SharpWoman know that you had a plan to steal her or say things like "I’ve been wanting you so long." It’ll make you seem devious and manipulative — and make her feel that she was conned. No one likes to feel conned. Your actions must seem spontaneous, as if you were swept away by passion and just had to have her; that it was destiny. She won’t be happy in her new relationship with you otherwise.
Further Study
For more advice on how to woo your SharpWoman, check out How to Be Charming and SharpDating Guide to Getting Past "Just Friends."
This article last updated on Friday 8th October 2010