Surviving the Lame: When She Wants to See a Chick Flick

Submitted by SharpMan Editorial Team on Thursday 14th October 2010
In this article
  • Set the scene.
  • Sway her.
  • A listing of guy-friendly chickflicks.

It can’t be avoided this year or any other. Even if you managed to get past Valentine’s Day without having to sit through one… we all know there’s a chick flick or romantic comedy in our future. It’s lurking just around the next corner… or, in some cases, around every corner. Read on for tips on how to survive the most maudlin of movie dates… the chick flick…

For my money (and, often it is my money), I blame St. Valentine, anyway. As you may recall, ol’ Val was sainted, then stoned and beheaded by Roman comrades, for refusing to convert to paganism. Today, men sit through romantic comedies to commemorate his painful sacrifice.

I would rather learn French.

For this reason, I offer the following easy-to-use survival guide for those unlucky fools setting out for a movie date:

We all know the usual suspects: Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Lopez. Reese Witherspoon and Drew Barrymore are currently fighting it our for Meg Ryan’s vacant seat; with the loser required to play the love interest in the next film starring Russell Crowe’s bad temper.

Setting the Scene

The thing to remember is that your flick pick -- like mix tapes -- sends a message that sets the mood. It’s important to understand this mood thing going into any date, but especially a day like V-Day, or any occasion where you’d like to set the stage of "special occasion" romance, because, trust me on this, Ultimate Fighting Championship (or WWF, or those backyard wrestling videos) isn’t going to get you any full body contact.

The romantic comedy serves its purpose. Just as horror flicks may cause a woman to grab for your arm during the movie, romantic comedies generally make women feel soft and romantic during and after the movie. This is a good thing, no? And let me tell you now, in print and on the record, the only way I will ever sit though When Harry Met Sally one more time is to make a woman I’m interested in feel soft and romantic.

Put A Little Sway In Your Way

But just how much are you expected to suffer for some sugar?

You’re in the aisles of Video Conglomerate, USA, looking for your movie date-at-home fare. Your eyes roll over classics like Speed and …hey, didn’t some chick say you should’ve been the lead in Cellular? Suddenly, your SharpGal hops up with a million dollar smile and a fistful of Hitch, When Harry Met Sally and The Princess Bride. 314 minutes of dopes who don’t know they’re in love — with extra features? You get woozy. Your eyes glaze over and suddenly you feel like the last twenty minutes of Requiem for a Dream.

What do you do, Jack? WHAT-DO-YOU-DO?

In the ‘90s, we would’ve done nothing. Under the banner of being politically correct, men conceded several things we can’t undo - smelly bathroom products, designer coffee and Sandra Bullock. But now, it’s a new millennium and we’ve learned that simply doing whatever women want is almost as lame as telling them what to do.

The answer in all matters of the heart is compromise. Use your studly super powers to sway her choices. Instead of Hitch, suggest 40 Year Old Virgin. Instead of My Best Friend’s Wedding, tantalize her with Wedding Crashers? Instead of the transparently titled What Women Want, how about the aptly titled True Romance? There are ways to appeal to her interests without compromising your basic right to remain a man.

One good rule of date flick viewing is that women seem to love Adam Sandler. He’s somehow perfected the hybrid of a chick flick that also appeals to dudes. Two words for you, buddy: Happy Gilmore.

Want to watch an action film? Don’t wave an Arnold Schwarzenegger flick at her; start and finish with films that have female leads and male appeal. Aliens. Tomb Raider…Try to avoid Charlie’s Angels - that’s just a wolf in sheep’s underwear.

Top Ten Guy-Friendly Chick Flicks:

10. American Pie — Just the first one.

9. Anchorman — Women also have a thing for Will Farrell.

8. Before Sunrise/Sunset — For the SharpWoman with specs appeal.

7. Aliens/Kill Bill - Female empowerment is a beautiful thing. If only.

6. Out of Sight — J-Lo and G-Cloo make the hottest pairing of any two Hollywood stars in the modern age.

5. True Romance — The chick flick’s wolf in sheep’s clothing. Properly romantic and properly bloody.

4. Ron Shelton: Once upon a time, Ron Shelton wrote and directed a number of sports-themed romantic comedies. Pick your poison: White Men Can’t Jump (basketball); Tin Cup (golf) or Bull Durham (baseball - perhaps the greatest romantic comedy for men.

3. High Fidelity — Scratch that. This is the greatest romantic comedy for men.

2. Wedding Crashers/40 Year Old Virgin — Just get them.

1. Dawn of the Dead — That part where the guy blows his head off so he won’t eat his girlfriend…that’s romantic, right?

Although all things eventually pass, it’s not clear to me what will bring the chick flick era to an end. Every time I see a trailer for a film like Failure to Launch, I’m sure the agony will be over soon. And yet they persist, like the flying stones that ended poor Valentine’s life.

Oh well, c’est la vie.

This article last updated on Thursday 14th October 2010
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