I’m Kayla. I’m not a therapist. I’m the friend, sister, and ex who shows up with snacks and a plan. I’ve sat on floors at 1 a.m. I’ve taken phones away. I’ve also messed up a few times. So this isn’t theory. It’s what I used, what the guys used, and what worked (and what flopped). Think of it like a road test, but for heartbreak.
If you want a deeper, step-by-step playbook, check out this piece on breakup advice for men that echoes a lot of what I’ve seen work.
First 72 Hours: The “Keep You Alive” Plan
My brother Mark called me after his split. He hadn’t eaten. He’d scrolled for hours. He wanted to text her. He looked like a ghost.
Here’s the plan we used that night:
- Food first: a sandwich, water, and a banana. Fast and boring works.
- Sleep aim: 6 hours, not 10. A short nap if needed.
- A warm shower. Fresh shirt. It tricks your brain.
- No big talks. No big life choices. Just today.
He wanted to send the “I miss you” text. We set a 24-hour hold. If it still felt right later, he could send. He never did.
How it felt: simple, steady, not magic.
What it fixed: the panic loop.
The No-Contact Rule: My Take, For Real
With my ex, Alex, I tried “no contact” for 30 days. Not to be mean. To breathe. I told him first. Clear and kind: “I need a month to heal.” Then I muted his stuff.
Week 1 was rough. I checked my phone a lot. By week 3 my chest felt less tight. At day 30, we had one calm call. No drama. We didn’t get back together. But I could think again.
What worked:
- I told a friend my plan. She kept me honest.
- I removed photos from the home screen. Out of sight helps.
What didn’t:
- Songs that reminded me of him. I had to skip those. Ouch.
Tip for you: mute instead of block if blocking feels harsh. Mute helps you heal without poking the bear.
The “Grief Walk” Trick (Jay’s Story)
My friend Jay did a 20-minute walk every morning. Same route. No phone. He called it his “grief walk.” He’d feel the loss and let it pass a bit. Then he’d lift weights for 30 minutes after work. Three days a week. Nothing heroic. Basic lifts.
He didn’t get “shredded.” He got steady. His sleep got better. He cried less in the car. That’s a win.
Little combo that helped him:
- Morning walk
- Water bottle on the counter
- A simple playlist called “Keep Going”
For extra, evidence-based tips on processing the emotional punch of a breakup, the Cleveland Clinic’s take on grieving after a break-up lays out simple strategies worth stealing.
Social Media: Mute, Don’t Spiral
My coworker Luis kept checking his ex’s stories. He made up plots in his head. It wrecked him. We sat down and muted her and her three close friends. He also moved Instagram to the last screen on his phone.
The change? He still thought of her. But the sharp hits slowed. His brain got air.
If social media muting isn’t enough and you’re hunting for more ways to steady your head and heart, skim Healthline’s full coping-with-a-breakup guide for additional science-backed ideas you can start today.
Rule I use: if your stomach drops, mute. If you can’t stop checking, delete the app for two weeks. You can always redownload.
Pick Your Three People
Don’t do this solo. Pick three. A friend, a sibling, maybe your barber. Folks who can listen and not judge. Make a tiny group chat. Me and the guys called ours “Bench Crew.” We did quick check-ins:
- Morning: “Today’s one win”
- Night: “Still here”
Sounds cheesy. It works.
The Breakup Box Ritual
With Daniel, we made a “breakup box.” Notes, photos, gifts. All in the box. Lid on. Tape across the top. Date on the tape. We put it in the closet.
We didn’t toss it that day. We just made space. A month later, he gave away the hoodie and kept one letter. Progress, not shock.
What To Say If You Want Closure
I’m not big on closure texts. They often reopen the wound. But if both people agree to talk, keep it short and plain. Something like:
“Thanks for giving me time today. I want to honor what we had. I’m sad, and I’m also grateful. I won’t ask for a redo. I wish you well.”
No blame. No long stories. You’ll feel shaky. That’s okay.
Anger Without Damage
Chris wanted to smash his phone. We did this instead:
- He made an “anger list” on paper. All the hot, messy thoughts.
- He read it out loud once.
- He tore it up and tossed it.
We also hit a heavy bag at the gym. Ten rounds, short bursts. He felt cooked and calm after. Rage needs a lane. Give it one that doesn’t ruin your life.
Food, Sleep, Body: Boring Wins
What I push:
- Breakfast with protein: eggs or Greek yogurt. No empty stomach.
- Daylight in your eyes in the morning. Even 5 minutes.
- A set bedtime. Wake time too.
- Limit booze for two weeks. It lies to you.
When I don’t do these, I get fragile. When I do, I get steady. Not happy. Steady.
If you want a quick checklist of similar back-to-basics habits, the guides over at Sharpman spell them out in plain English.
Work, When Your Brain Is Fuzzy
I used a simple timer. 30 minutes on, 10 off. The Forest app helped me. Mark wrote “three tiny tasks” on a sticky note each morning:
- Send one email
- Pay one bill
- Take one walk
He felt useful again. His boss noticed he was present, even if quiet.
What Not To Do (I’ve Seen It)
- Don’t drunk text. If you’re tipsy, hand your phone to a friend.
- Don’t stalk her online. It’s poison.
- Don’t bargain. “I’ll change everything” isn’t a plan. It’s panic.
Manny almost showed up at his ex’s place at 2 a.m. He called me instead. I ordered him an Uber home. He hated me that night. He thanked me next week.
Shared Stuff, Pets, Keys
Make a short, calm plan. Keep it dry. Keep it clear.
Here’s a message that worked for Alex and me:
“Hey, I’ll bring your books and the spare key on Saturday between 2–3 p.m. I’ll leave them with the front desk. You can leave my jacket there too. Thanks.”
No long talk. No memory lane. Clean handoff.
Sorting out keys is one thing; splitting assets, papers, and maybe kid schedules is another. For that heavier territory, this straight-shooting divorce advice for men broke things down in a way even my sleep-deprived brother could follow.
If You Think It’s Fixable
Three checks:
- Can you both name the real problem?
- Are you both willing to change real habits? With dates?
- Will you try for four weeks, then review?
Alex and I tried a four-week reset once. We picked two habits each. We had Sunday check-ins. At week four, it still felt off. We ended with kindness. I cried, but I was proud we tried like adults.
Signs You Might Be Ready To Date Again
- You can hear her name and stay calm.
- You sleep okay most nights.
- You don’t need a new person to stop the pain.
Jay had a simple rule: two calm days in a row before a first date. He waited eight weeks. His first coffee date felt light, not needy. That mattered.
When you hit that point, I’d also skim this field-tested summary of dating advice books for men—it cuts the fluff and shows what actually worked.
If, instead of diving into another serious relationship, you’re leaning toward something casual but don’t see yourself as the stereotypical “hook-up” type, the practical guide on how to have casual sex when you’re not a hook-up girl can help you clarify boundaries, communicate expectations, and keep both hearts and intentions in a healthy lane.
For the guys in Northern Virginia who are past the breakup fog and want to explore low-stakes, no-strings fun while they test-drive their social muscles again, [Fairfax