I Sat Through 3-Minute Dates So You Don’t Have To: Speed Dating Advice for Men

I’m Kayla. I’ve sat across a lot of tiny tables with tiny candles. I’ve done SpeedLA Dating in Santa Monica, CitySwoon in Austin, and one virtual night on Filter Off last winter while my heater rattled like a toy. This is what actually worked on me.
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Not sure what you’re stepping into? A quick look at how speed dating works can make the whole setup feel a lot less mysterious.

For a guy-level breakdown of this exact event, skim the companion write-up on Sharpman: I Sat Through 3-Minute Dates So You Don’t Have To: Speed Dating Advice for Men.

You don’t need a script. But a small plan helps. Think of it like a friendly relay race. Short bursts. Pass the baton clean. Smile. Breathe. Go again.

The pre-game: what you bring before you say hi

You know what? Your look matters. It’s not about fancy. It’s about clean, calm, and clear.

Clothes: A navy sweater or a light button-down works. One guy wore a navy crewneck and dark jeans. Simple. He looked put together, not stiff.
Shoes: Clean. Not gym beaters. Leather or nice sneakers are fine.
Scent: One spritz. Not a fog. I want to meet you, not your cologne.
Hands: Trimmed nails. Deal maker.
Props: A pen and the score card they give you. One guy had a tiny pen clipped to his card. Smooth.

For more outfit inspiration tailored to these rapid-fire meet-ups, skim this concise checklist of smart-casual speed-dating attire; it hits all the basics without overcomplicating things.

Thinking of going darker or experimenting beyond navy? Take a look at Sharpman’s field test of moody, all-black looks here: I Tried Gothic Fashion for Men—Here’s What Actually Worked. It shows you how to stay polished without looking like Halloween came early.

For an easy visual guide to nailing exactly this “clean, calm, and clear” look, check out Sharpman — their smart-casual cheat sheet is basically a speed-dating dress code.

At CitySwoon, a man showed up in a rumpled hoodie. He seemed nice. But he looked like he just woke up. Guess what? He got my polite smile. Not my yes.

First 10 seconds: how to start without being weird

You’ve got a sliver of time. Use it well. This opener never felt stale:

“Hey, I’m Mark. Good to meet you, Kayla.” (Repeat my name. It helps you remember.)
Light smile. Quick eye contact. Not a stare. Elbows off the table. Shoulders down.

Then a tiny hook:
“I came straight from a taco run, so I’m happy and a little messy.” (I laugh. We’re human.)
Or:
“I saw you picked the blue name tag. Solid choice.” (It’s small. It’s fine. We’re rolling.)

At SpeedLA, a guy started with, “Rate my handshake from 1 to 10.” It was playful, but too much pressure. Keep it simple.

The 3-minute chat that actually lands

Time flies. A loose shape helps. I call it “Snack, Swap, Spark.”

Snack (30 seconds): Share one tiny thing about today.
“I’m on call tomorrow, so I’m soaking up fun tonight.”
Swap (1 minute): Ask one of these easy forks:
“Quick pick: beach or mountains?”
“Coffee or tea?”
“What did you do today that wasn’t work?”
Spark (1 minute): A mini story with a soft edge.
“I tried a salsa class last month. I stepped on my teacher once. She forgave me. Barely.”
Close (20 seconds): Be clear and kind.
“This was fun. I’ll mark yes. If you do too, great.”

This worked on me at CitySwoon. The guy used beach/mountain, then told a short story about a rainy hike. I remembered him. I matched him.

Questions that made me say yes (and the ones that tanked)

Hits:

“What tiny thing made you smile today?”
“What’s your comfort food when it’s cold?”
“What are you curious about this year?”
“Got any low-stakes weekend plans?”

Misses:

“Why are you single?” (Feels like a test.)
“How much do you make?” (No.)
“So, kids?” (Way too fast.)
Crypto rants, gym macros, or ex talk. I had a guy spend 3 minutes on his NFT cat. I wished for a fire alarm.

Your talk ratio: don’t steamroll, don’t vanish

Aim for 60/40. You talk a bit more if I’m shy. But pass the ball.

Here’s a simple rhythm: 20 seconds you, comma, then a question.
“I build decks for work, which is fun when clients know what they want, what’s your day like?” See the comma? It helps you stop.

At SpeedLA, Marco talked like a train. He was funny, but I left tired. I marked maybe. Then no.

At Filter Off, Ryan spoke softly. He asked two clean questions and smiled with his eyes. I matched him and met for coffee. It fizzled later, but the first yes was easy.

The close: how to land the plane without drama

You don’t need to be slick. Just be direct and warm.

Lines that made me smile:

“This was nice. I’m going to mark yes.”
“I’d like to keep talking if you’re up for it.”
“I hope we match. Either way, good luck tonight.”

A guy once said, “I’ll leave it to fate.” Cute, but vague. Be a little brave.

Real mini case studies from my notes

Evan, the Navy Sweater: Clean look, repeat-my-name opener, beach-or-mountains fork, tiny story about burning pancakes. I said yes. We matched. We had tacos. He was kind.
Marco, the Rush Talker: Great humor, zero brakes. No space for me. I passed.
Ryan, the Quiet Chef (virtual): Warm lighting, camera at eye level, asked about music while he stirred a pot. Chill vibe. We matched. Coffee was fine, not fireworks.

What to wear and bring (from a woman who notices)

Solid top, clean jeans or chinos.
One neat watch. Pockets empty; no huge key chain banging the chair.
Breath mints. Chew before, not during. Please.
Light jacket if it’s fall; nobody looks cool while shivering.

Skip:

Shiny suits.
Heavy cologne.
Joke hats. I met a man in a Viking helmet. He was sweet, but I could not see his face.

Green flags I wrote down

He thanks the host.
He moves chairs gently. No scraping.
He listens. He laughs with, not at.
He knows when to stop a story.

One guy even wiped a tiny water ring with a napkin before the next person sat. Thoughtful. I noticed.

If you’re re-entering the dating pool after a split, there’s solid, empathy-driven guidance in this Sharpman piece: I Tried Divorce Advice for Men—Here’s What Actually Helped. A quick read can spare you from rookie mistakes.

For shy guys: tiny moves that help

Pick one warm line you can repeat.
Plant your feet. Drop your shoulders. Breathe out slow.
Hold the pen. It gives your hand a job.
If your mind blanks, use “quick pick” questions. They save you.

I get nerves too. I still circle the wrong box sometimes.

For talkers: ways to not overdo it

Use “comma, then question.” It’s magic.
Cut long stories in half. Say, “Short version?” Then stop.
Ask one follow-up: “What made that fun?” Then listen.

Virtual speed dating tweaks I learned the chilly way

Light in front of your face, not behind.
Camera at eye level. No chin cam.
Clean shirt, even if you’re in sweatpants. I can tell when you tried.
Don’t click around. It shows.

Ryan made pasta on camera. It smelled good through the screen. Or maybe I was hungry.

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