Quick note first. I’m Kayla. I love Jesus, coffee, and honest talk. I also date. And I help a few guys at church with this stuff. So I tested the common advice folks give men, and I watched how it played out in real life. Some tips were gold. Some fell flat. I’ll tell you the wins, the misses, and a few awkward moments that still make me smile (and cringe a little). If you want a guy’s-eye view of the same playbook, the breakdown over at Christian dating advice for men — here’s what actually worked lines up with a lot of what I saw.
For a concise, gospel-centered checklist that echoes much of what I saw work, check out Cru’s “Christian Dating Advice: 8 Tips”.
The setup: What I tested and how
I kept it simple and real:
- Clear ask: No vague “hang?” Text or ask in person with a plan.
- Gentle lead: Plan the time and place, but leave room for me to add input.
- Boundaries: State yours. Ask mine. Keep hands kind.
- Follow-up: Send a clear note after the date, not a mystery haze.
- Prayer: Short, simple, not a sermon.
I tried this on dates from Upward, church small group, and friend-of-a-friend setups. I also watched my brother try it. We compared notes over tacos. Messy, but helpful.
Real example 1: The coffee ask that didn’t feel weird
Mark (from small group) sent this text:
“Hey Kayla, I’ve liked getting to know you on Thursdays. Would you like to get coffee on Saturday at 10 at Blue Bean? If not, no pressure.”
Clear. Kind. Time, place, out.
I said yes. We met. He was five minutes early and wore a plain button-down. Not fancy. Not sloppy. Just present. If you need a quick primer on looking put-together without overdoing it, the style basics over at Sharpman give clear, budget-friendly pointers.
He asked about my week, my family, and my faith. He let me finish my thoughts. We laughed about bad church coffee. It felt calm.
What worked:
- He picked a place, but asked me if Blue Bean was okay.
- He paid for coffee. I brought cash to cover mine, just in case.
- He didn’t hover near my chair. Personal space matters.
We ended at one hour. He said, “I’ve enjoyed this. I’d like to see you again.” Short. Honest. I felt safe.
Real example 2: The first date that got too preachy
Another guy (I’ll call him “Bible Guy”) prayed for our meal. Cool. Then he turned the prayer into a mini sermon. He used old words I didn’t know. It took four minutes. My soup got cold. I got small.
After, I told him (kind voice), “Hey, I like short prayers on first dates.” He said sorry. On our second try, he prayed one line: “God, thank you for this food and time. Amen.” Much better. Sometimes small changes help a lot.
Real example 3: The “hard topic” chat that built trust
On date three with Mark, I shared this:
“I don’t stay out past 10. I don’t go to his apartment yet. I’m slow with touch. Are you okay with that?”
He said, “Yes. Thanks for telling me.” He also shared his lines:
- He doesn’t drink more than one.
- He texts when he gets home.
- He has an accountability call on Fridays.
Did it feel stiff? A little. Did it save drama? Yes. You know what? Clear is kind.
For a full, Scripture-based rundown on keeping dating physically and emotionally pure, Randy Alcorn’s “God’s Wisdom for Purity in Dating” offers straightforward, practical guidance.
Real example 4: When clarity beats cool
After a fun dinner (cheap tacos, a walk, a silly thrift store stop), he sent:
“Thanks for tonight. I’d like to keep getting to know you. If you’re not feeling that, I respect it.”
I replied, “I’m in.” My brain relaxed. No guessing games. Curious how to keep momentum rolling on date number two? This second-date advice that actually worked on me hits the highlights.
Date ideas that didn’t break the bank (and actually felt fun)
- Fall: Pumpkin patch. Cider. A short hayride. We took a goofy photo with a wonky scarecrow.
- Summer: Sunset walk at the park. Lemon ices after. I wore sneakers. He brought bug spray (hero move).
- Rainy day: Board games at a cafe. We played Ticket to Ride. He didn’t gloat when he won. Thank you, sir.
- Service date: We packed food boxes at church. We made jokes about the hairnets. Good teamwork vibes.
- Bookstore browse: Grab a drink and pick a book for the other person. He picked a dad joke book for me. Rude, but fair.
- Workout meet-up: Five sets, then smoothies. Pro tip—review this candid write-up on picking up women at the gym before you attempt it.
Where things went sideways (and how we fixed it)
- The “talker” trap: One guy asked me questions, but didn’t share in return. I felt like a job interview. I said, “I like it when we both share.” Next date, he told two stories and asked two questions. Balance.
- Too fast: A sweet guy tried to hold my hand right away. I pulled back and said, “I go slow with touch.” He said, “Got it.” We switched to high-fives. Cute, not weird.
- Too soon with family: A guy wanted me to meet his mom after date two. I panicked. We paused. Waited four more dates. Then it felt okay.
What most men did right (and maybe didn’t know mattered)
- They showed up on time. Huge.
- They named the plan. That lowers stress.
- They said what they’re looking for: “Dating toward marriage,” or “Figuring out pace.” Honesty beats mystery.
- They kept hands and eyes kind. Not grabby. Not staring. Respect reads as strength.
- They listened. Like, really listened. That’s rare. And it’s… attractive.
A tiny toolkit you can steal
Starter asks (use your voice, keep it simple):
- “I’ve enjoyed talking with you. Want to grab coffee Saturday at 10 at Blue Bean?”
- “I’d like to take you to the farmer’s market this weekend. If not, no worries.”
Simple faith lines that don’t feel heavy:
- “I’m a Christian. I’m not perfect, but I try to make choices that honor God and people.”
- “Could I say a short prayer for our meal?”
Boundaries that land well:
- “I head home by 10.”
- “I don’t do sleepovers.”
- “I’m slow with physical touch.”
- “Are there any lines you want me to know?”
Great first-date questions:
- “What’s a small joy you had this week?”
- “What’s your church story?”
- “What’s your idea of rest?”
Follow-up text templates:
- Yes: “Thanks for tonight. I’d like to see you again.”
- Not feeling it: “Thank you for the time. I don’t feel a match, but I wish you well.”
Tools I used and liked
- Upward for Christian matches. Mixed results, but some gems.
- If you want a larger dating pool but still the option to filter for faith, the free-to-join platform SPDate offers a wide user base and flexible search filters that can narrow matches to people who value their faith.
- Traveling through southern Oregon and open to meeting new people in a lighter, low-pressure context? Check out Klamath Falls hookups for a straightforward rundown of venues, events, and online options that make finding spontaneous connections safe and simple.
- YouVersion reading plan on dating and wisdom. Short, steady, helpful.
- “Boundaries in Dating” (Cloud & Townsend). Simple and clear.
- Notes app for a tiny feelings log after dates. Three lines, that’s it.
- Read this quick take on speed-dating advice for men if you ever try a mixer night.
Gentle stuff I wish men knew
- We don’t need grand. We need steady.
- Silly can be holy. Laughing builds trust.
- “I don’t know yet” is okay. Just say it out loud.
- Lead the plan; don’t bulldoze the person.